Hiya, it's me, Gwen. I’ve recently been banned from Zumba instructing because I was putting subliminal messages into the songs in an attempt to sell my Avon body lotion. Anyway, as a business mogul, it's onwards and upwards. This is my next venture, I will teach you how to become a resilient, gorgeous and a gregarious Gwen-like figure, through witty storytelling, 90s dance music and interactive powers.

I forced my neighbour Mary to see a run through of this show, she fainted and shat herself but that was because we were in my downstairs cupboard and it was July. My lawyer John said to mention that this is NOT a Pyramid Scheme and also to mention that he is NOT legally my lawyer.

"I hate her" - Prue Leith from Bake Off (I tweeted Prue, saying she's one letter off being called ‘Prune’).

"Amazing woman, an inspiration to us all" - A woman who had taken ketamine.

Rachel Baker, (Gwen) is a Funny Women Finalist, BBC New Creative. As heard on BBC Radio 4.